"Say Yes" － That's the Way Men Are

According to social statistics, more and more married couples have decided to divorce with each other in recent years. There are a variety of reasons for their desperate decision of divorce: discovery of an inappropriate sexual relationship with people from the opposite sex, constant domestic violence, troubles between wives and their mothers-in-law, etc. However, above all, we cannot ignore one universally serious problem: characteristic differences attributed to each sex. In the story Say Yes by Tobias Wolff too, we can see some conflicting opinions between Ann and her husband. Throughout the story, we can see that the husband has the very typical male way of thinking, which women will find somewhat incomprehensible.

The first thing showing us men’s typical character will be seen in inner voices of Ann’s husband. Seemingly, we tend to assume that this man is different from most general men just because, at the beginning of the story, he helps his wife to do the dishes, which most husbands in the world do not seem to do in daily life. However, behind this seemingly kind action hides one typical way of thinking that almost all men have: an inclination to self-assertion. That an inclination to self-assertion is more typical of men than women is confirmed by the book Why Men Lie and Women Cry by Allan and Barbara Pease. In this book, it is said that the historical fact that men evolved as hunters results in each man becoming "results-oriented" and defining his self-worth by "his problem-solving abilities and achievements" (43), and therefore that they want to emphasize their own accomplishments. In the previous scene, although the unnamed man helps his wife, he does so not because he sincerely wants to contribute to relieving his wife of the tedious labor, but because he intends to show "how considerate he was" (1385). We can see such self-assertiveness in the situation in which he is treating Ann's wound too. In this scene, he "hoped that she appreciated how quickly he had come to her aid" (1386). Judging from these two descriptions, we can say that he has a typical way of thinking as a man in that he hopes what he achieved could be recognized and praised by others in the same way the other majority of men in the world hope.

Second, we will find the well-known characteristic trait of men through the series of scenes of debates: men are reasonable and logical. Although Ann finally succeeded in making the husband surrender to her and say "Ann, I'm really sorry" (1387), and, "I'll make it up to you, I promise" (1387), we cannot help saying her victory sacrifices the most essential point in debating ― logic. In the story, Ann completely depends on her own intuition and whim. However, generally speaking, we are expected to convey our opinion to others in a logical and reasonable way, citing some obvious facts, quoting someone's comments, and finally, making people on the opposite side convinced of our arguments. In the light of this view, her husband is a very talented debater. This is because, for instance, he firstly shows his own experiences with blacks and then persuades her to refer to statistics, in order to support his idea that people having different cultural background are destined not to get along with each other. Moreover, until he decides to make a concession to his wife and give a priority to making up with her, he is consistent with his opinion. Thus, readers can see the husband has men’s representative way of thinking ― logic and reason.

Last, a man universally prefers something pure and immaculate, because his pride as a breadwinner do not allow any tincture of room for abnormal or deviant factors to be created in his perfectly genuine home. The same thing is true of Ann’s husband. There is something of the racist in him: the person who never tolerates the far from unadulterated state of interbreeding. We must not overlook there is one symbolic point which shows that he is a racist. The symbolic point is his cleaning the dirty kitchen. Cleaning the kitchen to such a point that "the kitchen looked new, the way . . . they had ever lived here" (1387) implies that he hates the state of mingled materials, and at the same time, that he prefers something pure. Incidentally, the fact that he promised his wife that he would accept her whatever color her skin is, cannot be a reason to decide that he is not a racist; although he finally admits his failure, and vows to marry his wife even if she were black, he does not really apologize to her at heart. In fact, this apology is attributed to his apprehension that this quarrel might trigger their relationship breaking up and his hope that the rest of their life could go smoothly. In other words, we can say this act of his is a desperate measure taken under the pressure of necessity in order to retrieve his wife's good mood. As we have seen so far, Ann’s husband is somewhat racism in that he hates the mingled and merged state, and, needless to say, he prefers something impeccably pure in the same way of the other majority of men.

As we have seen, the story Say Yes shows us the typical way of thinking of the men. It is quite certain that the story is one of the most useful how-to manuals for many married women in the world. If you feel a sense of crisis in the rest of the life with your partner, devote yourself into savoring this story, and you can find the best solution to your present problem.




Works Cited
Pease, Allan, and Barbara Pease. Why men lie and women cry. London: Orion, 2002.
Wolff, Tobias. "Say Yes." The Story and Its Writer. Ed. Ann Charters. Boston:
Bedford / St. Martins, 1999. 1384-1388.